DATELINE: Pat’s Trailer and Hootchy-Kootchy Park, March 2010
A band of Warlocks and a small little green toad had been reported to be in the vicinity of Pat’s Trailer and Hootchy-Kootchy Park earlier today, however, when local authorities were advised, they discounted the report as the eye witnesses each swore that the toad was leading the small group, later identified as Byron, Jim, Warren, John, Cleve, some guy who kept whistling bird calls name Joe and a man in heavy disguise, who reports now indicate was a man called Joey.
Somehow (it is said with inside help, no doubt from the man in disguise) they were able to bypass the elaborate security system and actually make it to the front door of the owner/operator of the Park, a Lady known to locals as merely, Pat.
It is reported that they were carrying a large oversized box that had an eerie glow about it in the early morning hours.
The Head Warlock (Byron) is said to have knocked on the front door to which a Woman’s voice from within cried out, “What the (censored) do you want? Do you know what (censored) time it is?”
Undaunted, Byron knocked again and could hear the staggering footfalls approach the door. Eye witnesses report that it then took several minutes for the door to actually open, as Pat had to unlock twelve dead bolts and remove six chains before the door could be opened.
The Warlocks were ill prepared for the vision that transcended from the portal…Pat without makeup, hair askew, sleepy eyed and a bit hung over.
When Pat finally got her eyes to focus and realized just what group stood before her, it is reported that she looked about and remarked, “Where are my Girls when I need them?” and then added, “I suspected all of you would try something, including that devilish mischievous toad, but JOEY…..!”
Byron then saying, “We have something for you, my Dear” reaches into the box as Pat closes her eyes and pulls back waiting for whatever is coming.
After several moments when there is no impact, only silence, Pat opens her eyes at which point the Warlocks start in, “Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday Head Witch Pat, Happy Birthday, to you.”
(Editors note: Six area Fire Departments had been called out and waited in the distance, after the Warlocks had informed them of their intentions and announced that there would be a full SIXTY EIGHT candles upon the Chocolate Cake)
Still highly suspicious, Pat was unsure of whether or not to sample the cake until the toad took a giant slurp from the side of the cake, at which she rightly deemed it fit enough to sample.
Each Warlock gave Pat a hug and wished her a personal HAPPY BIRTHDAY, toad gave her a toad hug and though Pat denies it, toad swears there was a fly about to land upon her nose and he just took care of it.
The Warlocks then turned and left peacefully, waving goodbye to a very shocked Pat as they departed and a certain Toad could be seen dancing gleefully at the front of the band, boasting about their being the first to convey Birthday wishes to such a Big Witch as Pat…well I will admit, that it was heard from a distance, so I will presume the word was, Witch.
